Today I thought I’d share how one of those interactions went on Facebook. Annette wrote…

“What if the person or persons are toxic, blames everything on you, or is always criticising you (dumb, never be good for anything) or blaming (my problems are yours because you won’t fix them or give me $). Is my perception of that wrong? If I view it differently what will happen? What about verbal abuse?”

Those are interesting questions. Because we all are unique individuals with unique experiences, only you will know the real answers to those questions in your own life if you are able to completely view it differently (including both conscious and subconscious beliefs).

One thing I have observed in my own experience…

As I change, the relationships I have with others changes as well. Other people respond differently to my deeper sense of Strength, Courage, Willpower, Peace, Presence, Joy, Authenticity, and other qualities.

Some people are melted by the peace and Courage and come closer to me… they open up. Some people are inspired, encouraged, or calmed. Other people distance themselves.

One thing is certain: There are still people who judge me, and their judgments don’t hurt as much or even at all.

Thank you! I didn’t think about my detaching (or actually my lack of it) as being the answer. Maybe after 45 years my mindset was stuck! If it effects me, maybe that means some part of me agrees with them. Ouch, that hurts! Growing pains! I think this is a major step in my life. I can’t thank you enough!

Yes. Most of the time when you feel upset by something somebody says about you, there’s a part of you (often subconscious) that does agree with them. A really simple example is:

If you were the best in the world at something ~ for example a World Champion Pool Player ~ and somebody said “You’re pretty bad at pool” you’d just shrug them off.

On the other hand, if you’re an aspiring pool player and somebody said the same thing, you might think, “Wow. They might be right. Maybe I should just give up now and save myself unnecessary pain in the future.”

We do the same thing with emotions.

If you know that you’re deeply rooted in love, and somebody says you’re “Not very loving” then it’s pretty easy to recognize that it’s the OTHER person projecting their lack of love onto you. They don’t feel loving, so they view the entire world (including you) as not being loving.

On the other hand, no matter how loving you may be, if somebody says that you are “Not very loving” ~and you believe that not being loving is a “bad” thing~ then you’ll likely feel sad, upset, unloving, etc as a result of that person’s comment.

So yes you’re right. As long as some part of you (conscious or subconscious) agrees with negative judgments from other people, then you will feel emotional pain.

Since I’m on this path with you, that happens to me sometimes. It’s not fun when I notice that I feel judged (or judgmental). Fortunately, I also recognize that it is an opportunity for me to recognize where I’m still identifying with negative judgments. That awareness enables me to shift my attention and focus to the inner work I need to do to become more wholly integrated.

To circle back to the original question from Annette…

When you change your inner world, your experience of the outer world will also change. Both are inextricably linked. So much so that many people will even respond differently to you than they did prior to you making inner changes.

And when that happens, there’s an incredible opportunity for more “problem solving” using new states of consciousness (awareness).

Usually I don’t respond to questions around coaching and clarification (that’s what the “Ask Chris” feature is for on my website), but because this person is a Liberate Your Life program participant I decided to make an exception.

After exchanging a few emails with this person, I realized that more people would benefit from what I shared. So… in today’s “Ask Chris” I’ve decided to share that email exchange with you. First though, is this story from Guy Finley that was the catalyst for the conversation…

The chief devil calls together every possible evil entity that is in range of his magnetic voice and says, “How can we interfere up there in the world that dwells between ours and the Light we despise? What can we do to further deceive human beings? We must keep them living in the dark, unaware of the Light that wants to release them from our influence. I want something so evil, so sinister, that no one will know what happened. Who’s got a good idea?”

That instant the flames of all the little imps gathered there in the smoldering dark go dim; they’re afraid of their leader, who will fry them for failing. A day later, as planned, they all return with a few ideas, although nothing spectacular. Then, out of nowhere, one tiny imp hops on the shoulder of the chief devil and whispers something in his ear. A second later, and *kaboom* flames shoot out of every pore of the chief devil as he shouts, “Ah! I have the plan in hand!”

He looks around at all of his lieutenants, each of whom is assigned to certain individuals on Earth, and gleefully instructs them: “I want you to go up there and slowly spread among the sleeping masses the idea of ‘tolerance.’ Do whatever it takes to succeed. Convince them that this idea is their own, and that they should start teaching that learning to tolerate each other is the same as loving one another. Oh yes! This is my best deception yet! It’s a real killer!”

“I am not too sure that I grasped the meaning of the story, but to quote Sir William Shakespeare: “There is no darkness, but ignorance.”

Here’s what I wrote back…

The meaning is within the word “tolerance.”

Most people PRETEND to like (or love) others, when really they’re just “putting up with” a person because they feel they have to.

This creates a split in the heart ~ people feeling negatively towards a person, yet acting nicely. Tolerance lacks integrity because it pretends to express kindness when kindness is not actually felt.

In other words, tolerance is a form of subconscious (and sometimes conscious) hypocrisy.

And then here’s what that person wrote back to me…

“I agree with your argument about “tolerance” being a form of subconscious hypocrisy, but there again, in my experience at least, it is often the most practical or pragmatic mode of behavior… especially with people that we do not particularly like or care for… to avoid confrontations and conflicts from arising. In other words, “live and let live.”

And here was my final reply:

In childhood, “tolerance” was necessary for survival. As adults, we perceive it as necessary because we’re unwilling to engage in confrontations or conflicts that would disrupt our life significantly.

In other words, we continue to be hypocrites because the discomfort of conflict and disruption is greater than the inner drive to align our conscious and subconscious minds with our actions.

For some people integrity in all aspects of life becomes more important than comfort… and when that happens, it’s both scary and incredibly transformative.

I usually won’t reply personally, but if your question is something that more people would benefit from then I may publish it and my answer in a future edition of “Ask Chris.”

There's always far more questions coming in through the "Ask Chris” link than I can possibly answer. Today I've decided to answer three different ones — ranging in topics from God and Meditation, to Anger and Poverty.

If you've got a question you'd like answered, just click the link at the bottom of this email and I may respond to yours in a future "Ask Chris" email.

Now for the questions…

My Answer:
Some of the most loving, God-serving people, have lived in total poverty. God does not choose favorites, he doesn't choose the rich or the poor… he loves us all. He loves us not because we are good or bad, not because we are man or woman, not because we are rich or poor… he loves us because we are his children, we are people all deserving of his love.
 
Regardless of our financial situation, we serve God because of who we are. A person without money can still be kind and loving. In fact, many times people without money discover that while they may not have money to give, they have their heart, their love, and their kindness to give. Even a smile can help a stranger.

Also I recommend you take a moment and watch today's "Inspirational Video Of The Week."

Can you brief me during meditation what happens in body.

Answer:
My recommendation is to always time your meditations. Often people like to quit meditation when it goes bad or keep going when it feels good. I even specifically devoted a lesson to this topic in my free "Getting Things Changed" mini-program. But the problem with that is that even if you continue when it feels good, eventually the meditation takes a turn for the worse and will eventually feel bad. The lack of boundaries is actually preventing you from having an effective meditation practice.
 
Instead, always set a timer for your meditations. Maybe it is just 5 minutes. Or 10 or 15. You can decide. But set a timer and do not stop meditating until the timer completes. Then when the timer completes, even if your meditation is going perfectly, stop your meditation.
 
The more you practice having consistent boundaries with your meditation, the more you will also experience consistent boundaries when you are not meditating.
 
As for your question about the physical body…
 
Every meditation style affects the body differently. However, when you are meditating there are many inner voices (like ego and Inner Critic) which do NOT want you to meditate. This is the part of you that is bringing up your aggressiveness and anger.
 
As long as you continue to meditate regularly, and specifically time your meditations, the aggressiveness and anger will fade. It may take some time; many people are not used to timing their meditations. It is valuable and I encourage you to stick with it.

Answer:
Note: After sending this question to me — but before I had a chance to answer — the person joined my Liberate Your Life program. This was one of the few times I responded personally to an "Ask Chris" question, and I am now sharing with you publicly the answer I wrote.

Since I saw you just purchased Liberate Your Life, I think you'll be really pleased to know this program is ALL about asking yourself the right kinds of questions.
 
It's going to be very different than other courses you've been a part of, and I am really looking forward to hearing about your experiences as you work through the program.
 
As long as you follow the program, you'll stop dancing around the issues and start dancing -with- them. You're going to go deeper, and your heart will thank you for it. Most people never ask the right questions because they either don't know, or their Inner Critic won't let them.

Liberate Your Life has answers to both of those.

If you're curious about my Liberate Your Life program, I recommend you first join my complimentary "Getting Things Changed" mini-program to see if Liberate Your Life might be a good fit for you.

"Getting Things Changed" is a good introduction to some of the deeper concepts in the program, as well as a candid look at some of the inner and outer obstacles that prevent us from living up to our greatest potential:

Click Here Now To Learn More

Last year, somebody wrote to me on Facebook the following question (edited to remove personally identifiable details)…

Hi Chris,

Should I take revenge?

There are some things you can do though to get a clearer picture of the situation:

First…

Bring your greatest spiritual teachers and examples into heart and mind, and ask yourself how you think they might handle the situation.

Second…

Pause for a few minutes in quiet contemplation, ideally focused meditation. Then sense into your heart and ask your heart what it wants. Be sure not to ask it "Should I do this or that" but instead just ask it what it wants.

Your heart has great wisdom, and it may take you in a direction you have not already thought of. The heart has reasons for which reason knows not why.

Third…

Take some time to yourself in nature with no distractions – no cell phones or any communications whatsoever. Just spend 5 or 10 hours alone in nature. Often much wisdom can be discovered when we allow ourselves to be in harmony with our surroundings… and that happens much more easily in nature than in our familiar home / work environments.

After I wrote my recent message "What If Manifesting Was Simple?" Ana wrote to me…

Hello Chris!

Ana

First of all, I am grateful that my work has helped you and that you've found value in the resources that I recommend!

While the answer to your question is one that requires a lot more than I can write in an email, the short answer is that somewhere in your past history there are valid reasons why spending was "not good."

Maybe as a child your family did not have much money, or perhaps there was something traumatic like a parent losing his/her job and then you went from having lots of money to a little bit. Those are some examples, and they may not be true for you. Or maybe even if your family had lots of money, you had parents who said "We have to save. We don't have enough" or "Money doesn't grow on trees" or other similar disempowering phrases.

What is likely true is that you had 1 or more emotionally powerful experiences where it became clear to you that it was 'not okay' to spend money. When you look candidly at your past, you may discover exactly what these experiences were. It also might not be powerful experiences, but rather, many many many small ones consistently sending you the "not okay to spend" message.

To break past your blockages around spending money, your work is to heal those experiences and realize that even though they may have been true in the past, they are not true now.

As you have pointed out ~ you HAVE the money to spend. The difference is in your mindset. One piece of advice I heard, which I like and practice, is to be mindful that I can buy most of the things that I personally want (in my heart). I am capable, and if I needed to, I could earn additional money or even borrow it.

Even though I ~can~ buy most things I want (within reason), I ~choose~ not to buy them because it's not the wisest way to spend my money in that given moment.

Like I said, this topic is one that takes a lot more than just an email to go into…

So here's a few quick tips to get you started:

1. Look at those places in your history where you received negative / lack / non-abundant messages about money. Then invest your energy in letting go of those messages (you may need help from a coach, workshop, or comprehensive program).
    
2. When you see something you want to buy, remind yourself that if you really really wanted to, you could buy it… and that you CHOOSE not to buy it at this time.
    
3. Always keep some money in your wallet. This way every time you look in your wallet, you are reminded that you do have money. To go a step further, if you have larger bills then carry some of those with you. The larger the bills the better, as this is an everyday reminder of your abundance.
    
4. Make a regular habit of donating and/or sharing your money with others. Consider leaving slightly larger-than-average tips for service people, leaving tips when you normally wouldn't, or giving a few coins to a homeless person. The point of this is to remind yourself that even when you give, you still have enough remaining. It's not relevant whether you give one penny, a dollar, or ten thousand dollars… the act of giving money away psychologically counteracts the "lack" mindset that you are working with.
    
5. Occasionally, consider making a "Stretch" spend. This is where you literally are acting "as if" you already have the financial abundance you desire even if you don't think you have that money. Don't do it just any time though… only do it when you have a really deep heart's wish for whatever you intend to spend that money on. Sometimes acting "as if" can be a catalyst for attracting money from unexpected places.

Like I said before though, there's a LOT more I could write on this (and I will). For now though, I believe that these tips will help you shift your money mindset away from "lack" and into "abundance."

My friend Cyndi (from Evolution Ezine) wrote to me yesterday…

"Here's the thing – I don't remember when – but I bought Brian Vaszily's The 9 Intense Experiences book and I have it – it arrived out of the blue – last week – and now I guess I have to open it

Wondering…

What are the other 4 books in your top 5 list?

Also wondering…

When you will have something for the ezine?"

The second question, which is more relevant to a larger audience is a rather personal one. See, there's a ton of AMAZING books from throughout the ages in many genres. It would be impossible to authoritatively pick a Top 5 that are universally best for all people.

So instead of trying to that, I'm going to share with you the remaining for of the Top 5 that have impacted me the most in recent years…

Diamond Heart: Book 1 by A.H. Almaas.

This is my #1 favorite of all-time, and it so far is the only book that, simply by reading it, completely ~revolutionized~ my life. If you've listened to any of my recent interviews, you know that this book is one of the major reasons I am the person you know today. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Then the other three (in no order)…

Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina.

Steve is the world's #1 personal development blogger, and I've followed his work for years now. He continues to push the envelope of "Conscious Growth" and is a person who truly walks his talk. Steve is always looking at the limitations he perceives in his life and then he strategically develops plans to move past those limitations… and his book brilliantly teaches you how to do exactly the same thing.

The Neverending Story by Michael Ende.

The book is WAY better than the movie (which cuts out about 2/3 of the book), and I have loved the movie since childhood. The spiritual metaphors run so deep that I have to remind myself to read, and re-read this book periodically to discover new insights hidden within the story. How the author managed to get this much universal wisdom into such a small work, and combine it with an amazingly entertaining story that adults and children love… is a miracle in itself.

The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot.

All I can say is WOW, this book will flip your world upside-down if you're open to it. While the first 1/3rd of the book was a bit slow for me, the rest of the book opened me up to the power of the mind.

And that's saying a LOT because I've been a staunch advocate of mind power since my childhood. So when I read "The Holographic Universe" I was challenged even further to question how powerful my mind really is.

What really impressed me though is this book isn't just theory… the author cites study after study after study that demonstrate what we perceive as "miracles" are nothing more than us remaining in the dark about our massive potential and capacity to shape our world.

That all said, it's a tough decision to leave out some greats…

Like Way of the Peaceful Warrior, A Champion Lives Within, A Course In Miracles, The Dream Giver, pretty much anything that Guy Finley produces, The Shadow Effect, and Wild Attraction (for relationships).

I hope you've enjoyed this list and find, ideally, a few new books you hadn't considered before.

Mindi from Cape Town Africa recently wrote to me…

I appreciate your generosity of soul. What I was wondering is whether my endless efforts to grow beyond my early conditioning are a bit unrealistic because of my age, which is over 80. The older I get, the more I feel that the challenges which life brings me are to help me grow, no matter what it takes.

Rhythm is my addiction, in dancing, drums and poetry. Am I childish, or have I just retained the magic of childhood??

I would appreciate some validation from you – perhaps you hear from others with similar concerns? (I do not fit into my chronological age group, so don't know whether I am a misfit or an example of a future culture)

Thank you.

Love,

Mindi (Cape Town)

Love the childlike nature and go with it. There is magic in it, and embracing that magic is actually one of the keys to positively growing and transforming from the challenges you face.

There's a quote I love from George Bernard Shaw:

"We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing."

Having "play" in your life is fundamental to happiness, and it's only your Inner Critic that is trying to convince you otherwise. The challenge is that as long as your Inner Critic continues to control your life, you'll always seek validation from others. You'll often subconsciously sabotage yourself when you have "too much fun," "get too close" to somebody, or in your case get "too childlike."

Part of the reason you are seeking my validation is because in early childhood, your Inner Critic actually was created -by- the outer validation that others provided you. it was created for an important reason…

Parents, peers, teachers, and other authority figures made it clear what you had to do to be accepted, to be loved, and ultimately to survive socially in the world. And based on what you've shared, the most likely reason is that you probably and some significant disempowering experiences that suggested you would be accepted more easily if you suppressed or rejected your playful nature and instead acted "more like an adult."

(or some other similarly un-childlike and disempowering phrase)

The Inner Critic is the outdated aspect of your subconscious that controls your limiting beliefs and it limits how much happiness and playfulness you'll allow yourself to experience.

Since your Inner Critic is outdated and doesn't know who you REALLY are, the only way it will personally allow you to enjoy your life is if you receive external validation that what you're doing (having fun) is "okay" and that your playful nature will be accepted by the social circles you are a part of.

While telling your Inner Critic to "shut up" (or use more profane language) can be effective in the short term, it doesn't last long and sometimes even backfires. The only way to get that Inner Critic out of the way is to develop total understanding as to why it continues to bring old, outdated, and ineffective beliefs into your present life… and then with that understanding, you'll be empowered to silence it.

If you have a personal question for me like Mindi's, feel free to send it to me through the Ask Chris link on my website.