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Posts Tagged ‘unconditional love’

What Goes Around… Comes Around…

Written by Chris Cade on . Posted in Spiritual Development

What goes around comes aroundA while back, my son and I were walking to the beach and I felt inspired to do something a little different than we usually do. I grabbed his sidewalk chalk and brought it with us.

Every block or so, I’d pause and write a thoughtful, caring, or inspiring message on the ground. For example…

“You are loved.”

“Smile!”

“Share something you love with the world.”

For nearly a quarter mile, we wrote these messages all along the sidewalk. I didn’t have expectations of how this would look like or unfold. I only knew that I felt inspired and I acted on that inspiration.

As I was writing the last few messages, people on bikes rode by and smiled while thanking us. That happened a few times, and I realized that this small simple act of kindness was already making a positive impact in the world.

Much to my surprise, the messages were still visible nearly a month later. Something that had taken us only a few minutes extra out of our day had made a difference in innumerable lives.

The best surprise though was what happened during the weeks after that experience…

As my son and I would walk to the beach, we noticed that other people had written their own thoughtful and caring messages on the sidewalk!

Somebody had written messages that were still inspiring more people long after our heartfelt wishes had washed away.

And those messages made me smile. 🙂

The Secret of Experiencing More Genuine Love In Your Life

Written by Chris Cade on . Posted in Spiritual Development

Special thanks to Dr. Gay Hendricks for this guest post!

 Lasting Love Made Easy

The issue I want to address is one of the most important any of us will ever confront. Most of us, in fact, will struggle to learn it throughout our own lives. Indeed, it may well be the lesson of life and love. It’s certainly been the major issue people have talked to us about in our thirty years as therapists and relationship coaches. Even if the person brought in a problem of depression or marital misery, this larger issue was hovering in the background. The depression never lifted and the marriage never harmonized until the person learned the following lesson:

The major barrier to a loving relationship with another person is an unloved part of yourself. Most of us have aspects of ourselves that we have never loved and accepted, and this failure to love ourselves keeps us from forming and keeping genuine love in close relationships. The moment you give unconditional love and acceptance to those unloved parts of you, you dissolve the barrier to getting and giving genuine love with others.

Here’s why this principle is so powerful: If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to do it for you. It never works, because people who don’t love themselves attract people who don’t love themselves. Then they try to get the other person to love them unconditionally when they’re not even doing it for themselves.

When you love yourself deeply and unconditionally for everything you are and everything you aren’t, you attract people who love and accept themselves. If you feel fundamentally unlovable deep down inside, you’ll attract a lover who feels the same way.

When we don’t love some part of ourselves, we run around in desperation trying to get someone else to love us. Our hope is that if they give us enough love our unlovable part will go away. It never does. Only a moment of loving ourselves unconditionally will do that particular job.

Most of us spend our lives running from that unlovable part of us. When we finally confront it, we will usually discover it’s a fear. It’s usually a particular fear, and there are a very small number of them.

One of them is fear of abandonment. You can probably see why that fear could play havoc in your relationships. It certainly did in our early relationships, before we became aware that this fear was driving a lot of our troublesome behavior. When you’re afraid of being left alone, you’ll either keep people distant so it won’t hurt so bad if they leave you, or you’ll cling to them dependently so they can’t leave without dragging you with them.

Another big fear is the dread of being smothered by the other person. When you’re in the grip of this fear, you’re worried that your individuality and freedom will be lost if you surrender to full union with the other person. So, you stay at arm’s length, just as a person who’s afraid of drowning might stand a yard or so away from the water’s edge.

The good thing to know about fear is that it’s simply a pulsating quiver of racy-queasy sensations in your stomach area. Fear, said psychiatrist Fritz Perls, M.D., is merely excitement without the breath. Breathe into the fear and watch what happens: The butterflies will flutter out of hiding and fly away.

When you love that fear directly, you can actually feel the fear disappear. In the space where the fear used to be, you now feel a big open space into which a wonderful new relationship can enter. That’s what happened to us, and that’s what we’ve seen happen to a lot of people when they mustered the courage to love themselves and all their fears.

FEAR HOLDS YOU BACK…UNTIL YOU LOVE IT AS IT IS

It’s impossible to enjoy good relationships until we give that scary place in ourselves a split-second of love. The reason: The fear causes us to push people away when they get too close. That’s because our fear gets stirred up when we let them in close. To keep the fear under control, we keep people at a distance. We push down the very aspects of ourselves that most need to come to the surface and be loved. Then, having already judged ourselves unlovable, we strain to get others to love us. Trying to get other people to love us when we don’t think ourselves lovable is like a dog chasing its own tail. The more they try to love us, the faster we run from it.

The good news: You don’t have to do it perfectly!

We’ve never met anyone who loved him or herself deeply and unconditionally all the time. Don’t expect that you’ll be perfect at it, either. Begin with a second or two of loving yourself and work up from there. Begin with a commitment to loving yourself. That way, you’ll have the commitment to fall back on when you find yourself in the grip of your unlovable part.

Remember, too, that loving yourself has nothing to do with egotism or self-flattery. Egotistical people are desperately trying to get other people to love them, even though they feel deeply unlovable inside. That’s why egotism and boasting look so tacky: Everybody knows it’s phony.

We’re talking about genuine, sincere, heartfelt and humble love for yourself. It’s a feeling of accepting yourself for everything you are and everything you aren’t. Unless you’re super-human, you won’t ever feel absolute love and acceptance for yourself all the time. You can, however, make a commitment to feeling that way. Making a commitment to loving yourself gives you a firm ground to stand on throughout the ups and downs of your life.

MORE FROM THE AUTHOR:

 Dr. Gay Hendricks - Lasting Love Made Easy

Thanks to Dr. Gay Hendricks for this guest post. Visit the link below to get his free “Lasting Love Made Easy” video series.

Click Here To Get Your Free Videos

It has great insights for both single people and those in relationships. You’ll discover some amazing insights that will immediately improve the quality of your life and your relationships.

Sacred Love Video – Help create a Better World!

Written by Chris Cade on . Posted in Spiritual Movies

My friend’s Cyndi and Iain over at Super Mind Evolution System created this wonderful video with a single question in mind:

What if 10,000 people every day were focused – from the heart – on our Highest and Best world?

Please watch it then pass it along! 🙂

Sacred Love by Iain Legg and Cyndi Krupp

Here’s a bit more about how Cyndi and Iain describe their vision:

“Watch this video daily and imagine living in a better world

… a world of equality, unity and harmony

leaders with integrity who serve with honesty and transparency

a world of abundance…

of clean air, food and water for everyone

freedom for everyone

a world of happiness

a world of peace

a world of love

Happiness Is Where The Heart Is

Written by Chris Cade on . Posted in Spiritual Development

 Happiness is where the heart is

What would your life be like if you said and believed, “Today is a good day” independent of what actually happened to you? The answer to that question is what it means to be truly happy. However, if you want to discover the answer then you have to ask another question that goes deeper:

“What does my heart truly want?”

It is in the wanting that you discover how to feel truly lasting happiness. Society, and your life’s conditioning, have falsely led you to believe that the wantings of your heart must be fulfilled in order for you to be filled with happiness. But nothing could be further from the truth.

How often have you heard about millionaires who are unhappy, even though they have “everything” anybody could ever want? The reason: Money can never buy what it represents. You hope that by having the money you will be happier, when in reality, most people would gladly give up all the money in the world just to be happy.

In that example about millionaires, you can see that it has nothing to do with acquiring the money, and everything to do with the feeling of being happy. And this is actually true of anything that you want. When your heart has ‘holes’ in it, when it has those places that are unfulfilled, then no matter what you seek in the outside world, you will never acquire enough to feel whole again. Your acquisitions, at best, will temporarily distract you from the hole you feel inside from feeling un-whole, unworthy, or unloved. In other words, the tangible can never purchase the intangible.

Instead, you must follow your heart’s desires. Your heart knows what truly fills you with happiness, yet so often, people ignore those deeper desires because of past conditionings. In your youth, parents, peers, and authority figures, probably told you – in some way or another – that your dreams were childish, that you didn’t deserve them, or they justified why you couldn’t have them.

And somewhere along the way, you probably started to believe them. 🙁

Yet nothing could be further from the truth. Your dreams do matter, and in fact, rekindling those dreams is the key to experiencing happiness more fully in your life.

Remember that you don’t have to justify to anybody why you want something. Your wants are valid of their own right, regardless of what they are.

Simply experiencing the fullness of your wanting is enough to bring you happiness, and the way to do that is to accept yourself. In fact, nothing is more liberating than giving yourself permission to be exactly as you are right now. Nothing. Justifying your heart’s desires is like trying to stop water from going over a waterfall. There is nothing heavier in your heart than telling yourself to “be happy.”

That’s because when you tell yourself how you “should” be, you restrain yourself from being as you truly are. Your mind then minimizes your experience, puts expectations on what happiness is and should be, and tells you lies like, “If only I were liked more… if only I had more money… if only my husband/wife/best friend would… then I could be happy again.”

This is also why happiness has nothing to do with what you’re getting, and everything to do with what you’re getting rid of.

This idea is completely opposite of everything our society, peers, teachers, and authority figures have been saying for most of our lives.

Give it some thought. Some serious inquiry.

Then in my next blog post…

I’ll go into this in more detail. I’ll also give you a quick practical exercise you can use to narrow in on what exactly will bring you happiness.

Stay tuned. 🙂

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